These past few weeks have been very difficult and trying for me.....a person i had considered a friend hurt me deeply and i have been driving myself (and my friends) crazy trying to understand and figure out why he treated me in such a manner when i never, to my knowledge, treated him badly or disrespected him
Then with my cousin's death and my thyroid going crazy, it all just got too much for me and started affecting my work and so i found myself going to see my 'agony uncle' whom i have not needed to see in more than 8 months now
Anyway somewhere towards the end of our discussion he told me "You are such a deeply unhappy person" and the first words that came out of my mouth were "No i'm not"
It wasn't a denial but more a statement of fact. And i told him very calmly that i am actually very very happy....which i know sounds soo strange given the circumstances. Hell even i thought it was so weird for me to say that.
But what i realized is that yes...although i will admit i have been absolutely miserable for the past 31 years of my life, i am now very happy.....the happiest i have ever been in my life actually.
I mean by social standards i really don't have anything....no real job, no house of my own, no 'real' car, no partner etc etc; and on the outside i am depressed...but i have never felt soo contented in all my life!
And that realisation in itself helped heal me a lot!
This past 1 and 1/2 years i have been going through such a growth spurt which has been both the worst and best experience(s) of my life....and which you guys no doubt noticed what with all the crazy, emotional and more often than not, nonsensical posts...lol. And i can honestly say that i can barely recognize the person i've become...well internally at least...cos i have changed so very much...and for the better.
The 'other side' now looks a lot closer..... :)
4 months ago
19 comments:
Been reading your blog for nearly 2 years now and i have to say you are without a doubt one of the funniest, smartest most confident woman i know. And i think i speak for all your readers when i say we are here for you and we know you will get over this in no time.
Kisses and hugs babe! I love you!
Kevin : Wow! I am soooo very flattered and touched. Thank you.....really...thank you so much
Boobs : I wan real one!!!!!!!
Love you too babes *hugs*
u need a dose of Bah Kut Teh and beer wit lots of crazy ppl, such as me...
:)
u'll be okay in no time!
I dont drink beer and i dont eat pork....but yes, hanging out with you crazy buggers would be enough to make me feel better and right at home...lol
Thanks babes
Some friends can be awfully weird. We've all had our fair share of them, I suppose.
Happiness is how happy you choose to be. Just the other day I told a friend the same thing. Anyway, keep the spirits high and hopefully things turn out good for ya.
Saby, you are the priestess of happiness and fun. The sexy-arsed priestess.
Terra : Thanks babes....i guess sometimes i do expect too much from my friends but my most minimum requirement is to not hurt me intentionally...i dont think that's askin for too much
GB : Awwww....shuchks....that has to be the best compliment anyone has ever paid me. Thank you luv!
I am sure u will do just fine.Not sure if I told u this, but when I'm going through a difficult time, I always read your blogs cos'
your passion for life rubs off on me. Truly!
Wow u have no idea how much that means babe...thank you!!!! *hugs*
"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them"
The only thing Thoreau got wrong was in confining this observation to men. Anu is right, you have a passion for life that I'm sure many envy but they are also grateful that you share it with them.
I don't believe you are a person who will take their song to the grave, but you mustn't forget to sing to yourself now and again.
Beautifully said dear!
I dont know if u meant it literally but that is such an apt observation....i used to sing to myself and dance randomly all the time but lately i've forgotten that...and it used to bring me such great joy...
And i have to say, u are getting more and more interesting by the minute...there seems to be this other side of you/to you that you've never shown before and i'm soo glad you've (finally) decided to share it with me
Thank you for your kind words and for the support luv *hugs*
I'm so sorry you are having these issues but you have the proper attitude to navigate this storm.
You know so many people equate happiness with what they consider "a real job" and owning things like cars and houses but really there are so many unhappy people with those things. That is not the route to true happiness in my book.
You may indeed have many people trying to tell you how you feel, but only you know that and what a lot of them can't see is the personal growth you have had on the inside. Love that and make the most of it. It's one of life's vest rewards.
And then if you are down, don't forget that there is always your second wind. That post you commented on about my bad audition? I got the part! all that worry for nothing.
Forget about that guy, take care of that thyroid and get ready for the good times.
Oooh yay!!!!!!!
Good for you babe.....congratulations!!!!!!!
And thank you for the words of encouragement....i've never looked at/to all those things as a source of happiness cos i know how temporary it all can be. So i guess i'm lucky in that sense cos i haven't been brouhgt up to think that you haven't made it or you won't be happy if you didn't have the S Class, the fancy house and the trophy partner.
But i am definitely moving on and taking care of things
Thanks again
Hugs!
Be strong and move on Saby - we love you xx
for the better is always good.
Nurse : Thanks luv...you guys really have no idea how much this show of support means
*muackz*
Zewt : AGREED!!!
;P
Sabyyyyyyyyy :D Sorry, I was away. But I totally agree with Kevin. You're awesome and so many people love you. You have tons of reasons to be happy. Screw the "no real car". Your friends would carry you on their shoulders, if you'd ask for :P
You are just the sweetest la! *muackz*!
Oh and given my recent weight gain, i kinda doubt they would willingly carry me on their shoulders....lol!!!
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