Like thousands of people all over the world, i could barely get out of bed today. The lump in the pit of my stomach is growing by the minute...
Michael Jackson is really gone.
Michael Jackson is really gone.
The King of Pop.....the Peter Pan of music......i really thought he would be immortal.
Didn't we all?
I mean shouldn't people like him be allowed to live forever??
I was in Phuket when i got the news of his death. This was barely 2 days after my near-death incident, and so i was still in a daze. At the time i thought "Do i be happy that i just cheated death or do i be devastated that Michael Jackson, the person whom i've worshipped my whole life has just died......on my birthday on top of things?"
And so i didn't shed a tear.
A big part of me actually thought that this whole thing was one big hoax and that he was still alive. I just refused to believe that he was actually gone. But then yesterday evening i caught the preparations for the memorial on CNN and it finally hit me that this was all real. This was actually happening. Michael was truly gone. And i just broke down and haven't stopped crying since.....it's been coming in waves.
They say you never forget your first love and that's exactly what Michael was. From the moment i first saw him do his Moonwalk on stage i fell like a rock! That started off my more than 20-year love affair with him
My scrapbook on him which i started in 1987. I would put EVERY single clipping i got of him here. I would even bug all my friends for clippings from their newspapers in case i didn't have that particular one. This continued until i went off to uni at 19.
I cried for a week when he got married cos, like most other women, i wanted to be his wife. When he fell sick and collapsed during rehearsals for his One Night Only concert, i dragged my brother to church, lit a candle for him and said a prayer, begging Jesus to save him. And during every court case i insisted that we lift him up during our family-prayer sessions.
Snippets from my scrapbook.
As a kid, I used to starve during recess and save my pocket money just so i could buy his cassettes, posters or any other Jackson paraphernalia i could get my hands on. Notebook, postcard, key chain....you name it...as long as it had even his name on it, i had to have it! And if there was any television show on him i would fight with everyone in the house until i could have the tv all to myself to watch it. Failing which i would quickly dash over to my grandma's place to catch it.
When i heard that Michael was coming to Malaysia in 1996 to perform i think i almost passed out due to the sheer excitement. It was one day before my STPM trial exam but no force on earth was going to keep me away from it. I saved up RM250 from scratch for the ticket cos i wanted to be as close as possible to him. And when he pulled up that girl onto the stage, as he does with all his concerts, i remember Dazzie grabbing me and hugging me cos he knew how much i had wanted to be that girl. My whole life i had wanted Michael Jackson to give me my first kiss. And of all things that stupid girl didn't even have the good sense to plant-one on him. She just hugged him and then pranced about on stage like an idiot!
Ticket from his concert here in 1996.I mean, how many of us have either a black fedora, a sequined glove or THE red jacket? How many of us practised for hours, trying to moonwalk like him? How many of us still imitate his 'Oww!' and grab our crotch in homage to him? Regardless of whether you were a fan or not, there was no way in hell that you could be as still as a statue once Beat It or Billie Jean started playing on the radio or in a club.
That was the sheer genius of this man.....whether you liked it or not, whether you liked him or not, you were drawn to his music as if by some invisible force.
You have to admit that!
Souvenir book from his concertMichael wasn't just a singer and an entertainer. To say he was musically gifted would be the understatement of the century. He was a songwriter, producer, director, and composer. He played several musical instruments. He studied the dancing styles of the great Fred Astaire and Bob Fosse and danced like a trained dancer.
His humanitarian efforts were also countless. He brought so much attention to the plight of the dying children in Africa; highlighted the woes of HIV patients and gave hundreds of millions of dollars to charities around the world.
But most importantly he broke all racial barriers. NOT because of how he looked but because of his music.
There will NEVER again be a superstar like him!
Part of my collectionThis past one week i've been in mourning for him. I haven't gone out clubbing; I've cancelled appointments with friends. I haven't even had a drop of alcohol. But today i feel like drowning myself in a whole big tub of it.
I truly, sincerely believed that i would meet you in person before you died. It wasn't a wish. It wasn't something i had been praying to happen. I just truly believed without a doubt in my mind that i would get to meet you. I suppose i can take some small joy in knowing that for a few hours i was about 100m from you and we were both breathing in the same air.
You will never never be forgotten Michael....that isn't even a question. Like i've said before, my children will be exposed to your music from the moment they step on this earth!
And come next week, i will immortalize you on me forever....
Michael - i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you............
12 comments:
i so envy u for going for the concert - :( its my life's biggest regret - we had SPM trials ;(
i was telling my mom - i would have still married him even now at 50 - he is really really gone :(((( the memorial just made me cry somemore ;(
I never knew a world without you till your passing but you will live in all of us through your music - RIP MJ
I was never so shocked about his death; merely thinking that we've lost a great entertainer. I enjoy his music a lot, but his death didn't devastate me. I was just like, "Whoaaa, MJ's gone."
But reading this post, I could see that you're truly ripped apart because of his death. The scrapbook hit the spot. This post has more emotion in it compared to your angry rants or disappointed lamentations.
With fans like you Saby, Michael is never truly dead. He lives on through people like you. Cheer up.
PS: We'll observe a minute of silence at Chilli's on the 25th, coinciding with his 30-day death anniversary.
It's a pity you didn't marry him, Saby. I bet you'd have taught him how to enjoy a real woman.
When I heard of his death, it felt surreal... I'm saddened by the whole thing, but not grieving.
That said, I thought this post is very heartfelt... hang on in there.
wow - you really were a major fan. glad you got to see him in concert
the lord giveth, and the lord taketh away. sometimes in the same day.
and this is so very un-sith like.
Visithra : Oh yes...i tell my mum the same thing. She never used to believe me but i was dead serious! I would have married him in a heartbeat!
Kav : Thanks luv *hugs*
GB : My sentiments exactly!!!!
Terra : Thanks babe *hugs*
Nurse : Yup! I am so so glad that at least i got to do that. If not i would be even more devastated!!!
Darth : Very un-sith like indeed :p
"i will immortalize you on me forever"
Photographs please, when the time comes.
U will have memories of the concert, ur scrapbook,his music to remember him by until u pass it all to your kids. Priceless!
I feel your pain.
-Nalina.
Yee Wei : Will do. Planning on gettin it done on his birthday :p
Anu : I know. So glad i kep them all! :p
Nalina : Thanks babe....by the way, luv the picture :p
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