Blog Booby, Blog!

Today suddenly went back to being a bad day. And i really thought that things were coming to an end. I guess i have to accept the fact that it won't be an instantaneous thing and that there will still be periods of crap happening occasionally before it all completely goes away

Due to all the crap i had stopped blogging cos i was unable to sit and think or concentrate on any one topic for more than a minute. But after this morning's post, it made me realise just how much peace blogging brings me.

I suppose it's cos this is a place where i feel comfortable and free enough to vent and rant and say exactly what i feel. It's sorta like a cleansing ritual for me.

This morning was certainly very cathartic. And it felt great!

I don't know why i was so stupid and forgot just how much joy blogging brought me :p

Hopefully i won't lose the momentum.....

Booby Fights Back

I wanted to start this post with yet another apology for not blogging or visiting in a while but then i've done it like a million times this past few months that i realise it sounds like empty words

I really am sorry though :(

As i had previously mentioned, things have just been total shite these past 2 months.....i have not been able to sleep well or rather at all for more than a month; i've lost my appetite resulting in me losing 4 kgs in just one week; and worst of all i've become this version of myself that i barely recognize

Due to the anxiety attacks i've become very emotional, paranoid about every damn thing and i've started thinking about and analyzing every minute detail of every damn little thing to the point of obsession!
I never used to be like that.
And the thing is i can see myself doing these things and i keep telling myself "Stop, stop, stop" but somehow i just can't. Then after that i feel so bloody embarrassed and stupid that i want to just pull all my hair out at my inability to control my emotions

This is not the person that i am.

I am stronger and more in control than this.

I have always been the strong one

But this bloody 'thing' has just weakened me so much and altered me that i can't even stand myself!

I don't even know why this is happening. It isn't fair. People tell me that God puts you thru pain so that you come out stronger, but Dude seriously la. I am already Herculean. Enough please!

I have however started doing something to rectify all my problems. There have been some improvements but it is a slow, uphill battle.
And what a battle it is. Everyday......every bloody second

But i am determined to get out of this funk soon. And i believe that i am still that strong person who will be able to go back to my old self soon.....and even if not soon, then at least in time, when i've dealt with all the demons

I've spent too long running away from them that it's time to stop being a coward and to face them head-on

And i am determined to come out victorious

Please be patient with me and keep me in your prayers

And to those of you who have totally been there for me thru my paranoia like Dazzie, Rod, Prazz, Jess,Kel & Lena chi.....you have no idea how very grateful i am. Tequila shots on me once all this is over

And to the person who started me on my road to recovery....Din the man.....i don't know how to repay you dude for all the endless nights of staying up with me and listening to me go on and on about my shit and helping me get thru the anxiety. But let me tell you that i will make it my personal mission to find you an Aishwarya look-a-like :p

So Who Are The Dinosaurs....Men or Women?

Din and i were having our usual debate about men and women and he came up with this analogy which was just so amusing and yet so true

A relationship or anything between a man and woman is like Jurassic Park. When you first enter the park it's all amazing, jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring and loads of fun. But then after a while the mayhem and bloodshed starts and it's not so fun anymore.

Pearl of wisdom : Always buy the half-day ticket

:p


p/s : I am definitely T-Rex!

All That Jazz

Hola peeps.

Apologies again for going AWOL this past week.....spent a glorious few days in Penang and i was just a little too busy to blog or visit :p

Saturday night me & Adrian went to G-Spot which is at G Hotel and they now have this Brazilian babe performing there...Caru Lins...and she is just excellent! They play strictly jazz music of course but even if you're not a fan, you should definitely check the place out. The ambiance is just lovely and it's an older crowd, although sadly it's usually empty cos not many people have an appreciation for jazz music.

Oh and if that isn't enough to convince you to check the place out, then let's just say that she is sooo soo bloody hot that even i was mentally undressing her with my eyes.
The whole night!
Pixx of her can be found here

Oh and ladies....the drummer is very the yumminess :)

Then on Monday night Mithi (who has aptly named me YB.....Yang Ber'bitchy') and i went to The Bagan, which is now my new favourite place in Penang!!!! It is this gorgeous, huge colonial bungalow which they've converted into a pub and restaurant and the ambiance is just breathtaking!!! They usually play retro music (think loads of Abba & Bee Gees).....plus...they have a band performing jazz music!!!! When we went they sang Xmas carols as well!!!! It was just soooo lovely and romantic!!

*sigh* I miss Penang.......

Oh and i decided to let him back into my life after all :)
So over the weekend we talked things out and now things are all good. Cos at the end of the day he isn't a bad person...he was just being an idiot.

So all is good. Yay!


I will be visiting soon, little elves, and since i am feeling particularly naughty today, expect some very naughty and highly inappropriate comments :p

Emo......

You know i have to apologize that my last few posts have been too emo and personal. I have always been very careful about not getting too personal with my posts and about keeping the tone light, albeit all the anger and ranting.

But these past 2 months have been very trying and emotionally draining that somehow things have spilled over into my blog. And for that i do apologize.

It's just been one screwed-up thing after another...and before i can really pick myself up, the next thing happens which just pushes me further down. So these past 2 months have been more about me getting back on my feet...something which i'm still struggling with.

I'd like to blame it on this season which usually makes everyone crazy, but i know it isn't. I'd like to blame it on the political state of this country which is soo screwed up and laughable, but i don't really give a shit.

I usually bounce back on my feet in a day, but i guess the 'big' screw-ups have been happening, one after the other, which is why it is taking me that much longer.

It started with a 'friend' taking my friendship for granted. After much much thought i decided to just cut him out of my life...and trust me that was one of the hardest decisions to make cos i absolutely hate losing friends.
Boyfriends i can lose.
But losing a friend is just devastating to me.
And then yesterday he calls and just like that my mood was off. And what bugged me more was the fact that it still actually bugged me. That i probably still cared for this person. And he doesn't even deserve that much!
He's not a bad person, he's just being stupid.
I know that.
But how much stupidity can one actually put up with you know?
And now i am wondering yet again if i should give this person another chance.........motherf*****!

Then there's the big demon in my life who has started-up his old tricks again.
That affects me more than anything else.
That makes me want to run back to Penang and never come back again cos then at least i won't have to see it happening. Friends say i am running away from my problems, but when there is nothing else i can do, i'd rather run.
Fight or flight right.
Fighting would prob push me over the edge and i will either end up killing him (and i am soooooo not joking) or cutting him out of my life. And i don't want to do either. I played that role for 20 years of my life. I don't want to do it anymore.
So 'flight' i will.....

Then there are others who just disappoint you with their actions....and inactions. Those who let you down when u need them the most

And so i hope this will be the last of the emo posts for this year...although i seriously doubt it. But i will try to reel it in. Promise

The Booby one shall return....soon.....soon

"Rewind"

Do you go thru life wishing you or it had a 'Rewind' button that you could push every so often?

I know i do

Practically everyday

How i wish i could go back in time and change a lot of decisions i made, especially those made when i was emotionally challenged. I would definitely like to go back and change my decision to allow certain people to walk into my life

These decisions i regret the most. And these will probably haunt me for the rest of my life cos these are the people who have done the most damage.

I usually give people 3 chances with everything. After the 3rd major screw up, i usually decide (and rightly so) that the person is not worth my time. And when i say 'screw up' here, i mean things done that hurt me personally or directly.

There are however times when i decide to end things if the 2nd screw up is just that big. Cos as much as i'd like to maintain friendships and be all good and forgiving *snort* and shit, i'm not sadistic. I may like physical pain but the emotional one(s) is one that i can certainly do without.

Sometimes you just need to accept the fact that some people are just not what they seem. That A LOT of people wear many different masks all the time just to get what they want. And as much as you'd like to be naive and think that people are good, let me tell you that you can't be more further away from the truth.

Sometimes you just need to cut some people out of your life cos they bring too much negative energy into your life.
It doesn't make you a bad person.

You just have to learn how and when to let go.

And it's ok to do that.

To me it's all Darwinian...survival of the fittest. You need to get rid of those that make you feel bad about yourself and weaken you.

And so....

I have wasted too many tears over you. Too much time worrying and thinking because of you. Too many sleepless nights.
Too many loss hours.

But i have come to realise that you really weren't worth any of it. Not even a minute. And so i refuse to waste even a second more because of you.

You are stupid to think that you can walk in and out of my life as you please. And you miscalculated the fact that i would always be here for you no matter what.

Everyone has their limits after all.

And so i've decided that you are non-existent in my life anymore. Don't bother with the smses. Don't bother with the calls. I will not respond anymore

You should have appreciated what you had

Mummy Doesn't Approve Of My Future Husband :(

Sorry i haven't been posting and visiting or even responding to comments for a bit. No excuses for my bad behaviour but i have been busy 'dealing' with certain matters and painting the house for Christmas.
Promise to get back to things soon :p

Just the other day my mum and i were painting the hall and i had Off The Wall (a totally excellent album by the way. Oh and if you had to ask "Off the wall who???...", kindly leave my blog right NOW!)


Mum : Who is this singer ah?
Me : MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mum : Oh who? Michael Jackson ah?
Me : Like duh!
Mum : You and your Michael Jackson la. You know he's converted now..
Me : I'm still marrying him
Mum : You'll have to give up your partying. Your trashy clothes (My mum thinks i dress like a whore which is ironic cos she actually buys my slutty clothes!!!)Your alcohol. Your tattooing
Me : Mother i would give YOU up for Michael Jackson la!
Mum : Rascal!

My mum is constantly complaining about my lack of interest in getting married but when i do pick my partner, she shoots me down!
There's just no pleasing the parentals la...